The news of the mass murder in Roseburg, Oregon barely made my heart race. Oh well, I thought, another nut case with access to guns decided to make a name for himself by executing a bunch of students at a community college. Then, true to form he blew his brains out. Within hours, the oh-so-boring political conversations followed but we’ll be back to normal right after the bodies of the victims are laid to rest. We’ll be back to listening to Donald Trump but in a short while there will be more “Breaking News” from somewhere else in the country.

In response to the murders, liberals in Congress once again are asking for more controls on the sale of guns. They do not suggest that it will stop the violence in its tracks, just that it might deter the would-be murderer and maybe save a few lives. Conservatives, of course, decry any more regulations, especially a national waiting period and/or background checks. It’s as if they actually want the next mass murderer to be able to walk into Franks Gun Shop and come out with an arsenal, no questions asked. After all, he’s just exercising his precious right to bear arms, right?

It’s funny, though, how those same conservatives think that we should make it almost impossible for a woman to exercise her constitutionally protected right to have an abortion. Pregnant? Oh no, young lady, slow down. Before you make the rash decision to kill your baby, there are a few rules and regulations that you gotta deal with.

For example, when you make your appointment and walk into the abortion clinic, you’re going to see a counselor. These clearly biased counselors will make it sound like abortion is a walk in the park. But you’re lucky that we’re here to clarify. That’s why we’ve passed laws requiring the counselor to tell you all about the dangers of abortion, how that fetus is tantamount to a ten year old Little Leaguer, how you will get breast cancer, who you have other options besides abortion (really?) and that you might ultimately regret your abortion. Sorry, we’re just educating you before you make this important decision.

And once you’ve got all the correct information, we still think you should cool down, not make any rash decisions, think about it a little more. So that’s why we propose a 24 hour WAITING PERIOD before you decide to kill your baby. That’s right. Lest you think you can just willy-nilly exercise your constitutional right to terminate your pregnancy, you need to relax, honey, you need to chill out and think about this. I mean, who are you to think that you can make this decision so quickly?

We’re here to protect the lives of those cute little babies.

But if you have a hankering to shoot up a movie theater, go for it.